Dear Haters,
When I wrote One Nation Under God: A Book for Little Patriots, I had ulterior motives. I was hoping nobody would notice, but you did. You found out and, through your blog posts and comments, you exposed me to the world. I now know that it’s time to come clean. I am a right-wing gun nut who wants to indoctrinate your babies.
Wonkette was one of the first to catch on. Only two weeks after the book came out, they published their piece “Patriotic Children’s Book Here To Rescue Your Child from Socialism.” Yes! That’s what it’s for! This was followed by attention from various other sites who brought up important points in both blogs and comments. Here are some specifics that I’d like to confess:
- I know nothing about the Constitution.
- Yes, I did think Jesus wrote the Constitution (how did so many of you know?) and now I know better.
- The ten amendments are not the same as the ten commandments. I’ll try to remember.
- That thing about the Constitution protecting our right to pray? Made it up.
- I’m a bored Housewife.
“She’s probably…a republican housefrau who married money and squirted out a couple of brats and Hubby is a wannabe representative currently in business and worth a small fortune. Wifey there wanted fulfillment and he suggested she write a kids book on Freedumbs to keep her occupied while he pumps rentboys and works on campaign strategies for screwing the poor even more effectively.”
This is strangely specific, and very true (even the parts that didn’t completely make sense). To my friends, I want to say that I’m sorry I didn’t invite you to my wedding and kept my children secret from you. Feel free to send gifts now that you know the truth about my life.
I’m not really a patriot.
My patriotism is a sham. This is because, having never left my home state, I know nothing of the world and also because I went to college overseas. If you don’t think about it, it makes perfect sense. “What kind of ‘patriot’ goes to Scotland to learn English? Bob Jones U wasn’t good enough for her?” No. No it wasn’t. I’m glad you agree.
One commenter asked: “Amelia says she is a lifelong patriot. How many tours of duty did she serve in Iraq or Afghanistan, or is she another sniveling patriot who is fighting the ‘war of ideas’ on American soil? Patriot my ass.” And another answered: “She didn’t have time to fight for her country because she was getting her patriot schooling in Scotland, like a good American would.” You guys, I was busy!
Lightning Round!
- “Where are the verses on corporations being people, the fun of torturing brown people, cutting taxes on the wealth, or why science and reality have liberal biases?” Editing is hard. I’m sorry there wasn’t room for the content you wanted.
- “Anybody who buys this book is an asshole and a terrible parent. Who else would seek to brainwash children into believing that there are 2 chambers in congress?”
- “Time for a book burning” Burn it! Burn it with fire!
- “Freaking nutso righties…stop hurting America.” Yeah? Well your face hurts America.
- “So Republicans want to try to govern the entire world or what? It’s our responsibility to free and police everyone?” Yes. That is exactly what conservatism is all about.
- “Army, Air Force, Navy…I only count three branches.” I totally made up the Marines and the Coast Guard.
- “I have no knowledge of this book but it appears to be the same repackaged Christian nation bullchit.” Not only is that a really good point, I dig your anti-establishment view on spelling and comma usage.
- The book “pushes and (sic) agenda that is contrary to reality…a piece of trash. It is a free country where idiots CAN write whitewashed crap so that is fine.” USA! USA! I like your use of “whitewashed.” *wink*
- “Wow..the quotes from that book are CRAZY TALK!” You should see my diary.
- “Obviously this “history” book… is full of LIES propagated by TEABAGGERS and RACISTS and other insidious types.” My subtext speaks so loudly that it can be heard by those who have never read the book.
Oh, haters, why can’t we just agree? Only one commenter was willing to call out the others on their blind partisanship. In the midst of the maelstrom, this man was brave enough to find some common ground. “I think we’re forgetting the author’s hitability.” Thank you, sir. Thank you (unless you want to physically hit me, in which case WAR ON WOMEN! and I’ll call Gloria Allred).
Even though I tried to hide my agenda, some of you saw through me. You understood that I only did what needed to be done. As one wise woman said “Christian extremism, gun obsession, and radical patriotism are all the same thing.” Indeed they are, and radical is my favorite flavor of patriotism. I had a hard time accepting that I needed to come clean on my motives, but I’m glad that it happened. It was a heavy burden to carry and, now, a great weight has been lifted. No need to read my book, my darling haters, you clearly already know what’s in it, and what’s in my heart.
I will be indoctrinating my two daughters now with your fine work. (surprise for 4th of July) Thank you for controlling another generation
Aww! It’s a great accent to that gun I’m sure you’re getting them.
i have currently a couple of metal bats to fend off the boys for later on at the moment.
Well … I never heard of your book before, but I am definitely going to go FIND it so I can make sure my grandkids have it in their hot little hands ASAP. It’ll go good with their American flag quilt and my granddaughter’s little camo tutu, dontchathink?
God bless you, Amelia.
You mean, the Salvation Army isn’t one of the military branches?
I can add them, just like I did with the Marines and the Coast Guard. Who else? I’m pretty sure those mormons are up to some covert ops.
Yes they are! They have a “Militant Wing.”
http://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/en/thumb/2/27/Frau_Farbissina_APIMOM.jpg/220px-Frau_Farbissina_APIMOM.jpg
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Frau_Farbissina
Hey, all confirmed Catholics are part of the Church Militant. At least, that’s what they told us back in 19something when my bishop slapped some oil on my head.
You’re obviously a CRAZY, rightwing nut-job…. I’d rather be that, than a liberal occupier.
My husband won’t let me occupy.
Not having any kids, I’ve never read your book, but I love your sense of humor. Keep smiling!
I understand, you just don’t want to be brainwashed.
Ditto !! ( Except for the no kids part )
Amelia… The left doesn’t want women with opinion and who can own a gun, you may end up calling a Man a Dude or Boy who can shave and shot him? Don’t know you know Boys who can shave are afraid of guns and violence? They don’t want to get hit! They want to sit at home and play video games while their wives work and raise the kids and feed them? These boys don’t want a strong willed Woman, heaven forbid their wife tells them to go get a job, tells him to jump up and down until his b**ls drop, or OH NO stop playing video games and spend some time helping with his kids.
Sorry about the kids part I know I know Liberal Boys want their women to abort their kids because they want sex without consequences…
Stoked to be able to give a good kids book to friends who have kids and eventually when I meet the wife Jesus has for me, and I have kids at least I know a good book I can read to them and have them read…
Keep up the good fight… love the 11:11 tweets, I know everyday I can count on that.
I don’t mean to spoil the wonky fun here, but I have a couple of questions re: the book writing process:
1) What age group was your target audience? Is there another book in the works for them? Will it stick with mathematics?
2) Did you pitch the publisher? Or was it the other way around?
3) Did you have any input re: illustration and layout?
4) Given the amount of (social) media attention this appears to have received, is it still necessary to hire a publicist/agent/etc?
Thanks. And congrats on getting published.
It’s for kids 5-8…but parents also use it with younger kids as a counting book then, as they get older, kids start understanding the concepts and it starts really good conversations between kids and parents.
I actually self-published. I was picked up by a publisher, but was doing all of the work and losing creative control (and publishers keep a big portion of the profit!), so I did it on my own. I guess that also answers #3…it was really collaborative between me, illustrator, and designer. We are all in different parts of America (yes, the book was entirely made in America), so Skype was our best friend.
No, I don’t think a publicist or agent is necessary.
Hope that helps!
This is why the left shakes.
Call me guilty for putting off ordering your book, but I have no children so I was going to wait. Time to move up that timeline and order the book ASAP.
Fantastic humor!
Thank you! I don’t have children either, which is weird since I’m told I squirt out a lot of brats.
Nary a mention of the infamous “Why Mommy Is A Democrat” from Wonkette, eh?
Not outrageous
But that book is totally factual!
A couple pages from “Teaching Children to Hate Republicans” … I mean, “Why Mommy Is a Democrat” … http://news.webshots.com/photo/2446263910056011884rLjebU
I’m buying the book for my kids as I type this…
But what hand are you using to load your gun?
Also, thanks!
I have no kids, but bought your book for friends who have four children, and they LOVED it (the parents and the kids both). I guess that means my friends, their children and I are all hopelessly rightwing, Christian, conservative and patriotic! The horror!!!
OH NO!!! Richard… I bet this means they own a gun and the parents are willing to kill anyone who try’s to harm their family! Heaven forbid a Man who is willing to protect his family! Say it ain’t so!
This is awkward. Your friends are terrible people. I like them.
Amelia! Honey. You didn’t realize that they gave you a patronizing husband who wants you to be barefoot and pregnant and 2.5 kids (one boy, one girl and one on the way, any day) the minute you say you support the GOP? Girl, you gotta get on that!
Actually, the comments from the lovely progressive people are way more entertaining to read if you imagine the loser sound from The Price Is Right after every comment.
Great book! Getting one for the lil patriots in my family.
My father hasn’t found be a suitable husband yet.
But what hand are you using to load your gun?
That cracked me up!
I just figured it out. My kids didn’t LOSE the dang book. They’re hiding it, like the evil contraband it is. Right next to their stash of cigs, girlie mags, and guns.
Tell them to get out of my bottom drawer!
You’re one of those scary homeschool moms. I shun you! SHUUUUUN! No wait, I might be one of them, too. Dang it, I can’t keep this straight.
To be truly crazy, you must homeschool. The rest of you wingers are just pikers.
It’s true. I was homeschooled and I can definitely say they’re a bunch of wackos. They wanna, you know, influence their children n’ stuff. And most of the are *whisper* Chriiiiiistiaaaaaansssss.
I know. It’s awful. I try not to talk about it too much. Too depressing.
It’s true, people who homeschool their children are the devil. And their kids are like little mini Hitlers or something
So what you’re saying is that I should market to homeschoolers. Got it.
KOOK LIB POSTER PROFILE
1. Profanity is very common (replaces logic or class)
2. Uses personal insults when challenged (replaces logic or class)
3. Changes the subject
4. Fails to answer the challenge
5. Points at other bad behavior to excuse theirs or their Party’s
6. Often makes serial fact-less assertions
7. Has no sense of history
8. Is really not interested in depth or “why” questions
9. Is usually angry and sarcastic (replaces logic or class)
10. Runs away or has a verbal fit when nailed with facts
11. Sincerely believes you are stupid to reject secular socialism
By these you shall know the common kook liberal who offers online discussion nothing but a place to vent lifelong anger.
—–
Facts, no matter how documented, mean much to the Ozland modern liberals (apostles of utopian socialism) as we see day after day.
All liberals have to promote or defend their toxic utopian socialist policies are distractions, lies and smears so that is what we must endure and they (MUST) use.
—–Lacking any ethical or moral boundaries you understand the wild goofy things they (MUST) say and do.
—–Ask a liberal why gov-meant workers are exempted from that wonderful money-saving OzCare (aka socialized medicine, the financial suicide pill for a nation)…go ahead, ask them.
—–Libs reject real debate, real research, real history…they pontificate with feelings…it empowers their ego…to whine and have nothing better to offer for debate…
its just anger release that elevates their life…this is why they run from mics, yell or talk over voters or others asking questions, blame others when silly socialism again fails and always have demons preventing that utopia NEXT YEAR (if we only had another trillion).
Their apostles type whine after whine but NO realistic solutions…its always tax more and spend more. grow dat gov-meant..they are rope-a dopers lacking real workable ideas…they detest having to defend factually their constant fact-less assertions
—–they learned nothing from Jimmah Carter, nothing.
All in all, a sick group of apostles, that, like a tumor, brings a nation way down…of course, the big talkers find ways to exempt themselves from the pain (OzCare a fine example by exempting fed workers)…they must be exposed and defeated without fear…Obama had total power for 2 years, not one Repub vote could stop him and the Dem had the congress for 2 years before that so for 4 years that had the purse and the power…now they found the demon T Party…what a sick joke!
They passed those huge bills and Ozzy signed them…but see, when socialism fails, there must be demons…never ever their bills or policies…cowards all
But I swear a lot and am always sarcastic. Crap am I a liberal? NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
Dear Doug Schexnayder, PhD (ret),
4.20 p.m. is awfully early in the day to be posting drunken gibberish.
Seek help.
Interesting though that they say if you don’t serve in Iraq or Afghanistan that you’re not patriotic, even though those are two wars they say are based on lies and those that do serve shouldn’t be afforded anything special, ask Bill Ayers. Instead they tout “Heather has two mommies” and have “all-kids-are-forced-to-read-about-gay-heroes” classes shoved down their eight year old throats. Nice.
I too have strong urges to subvert the collective approved mainstream through obdurate pollution of the narrative using alarmingly accurate facts and history.
I currently have no children, but I am currently plotting to beget several impressionable subjects for the express purpose of indoctrination into your dark and gripping, fringe-type extremist cult.
Cool. If only conservatives could figure out how babies are made.
I’ve been told it happens spontaneously and unavoidably if one does not have access to public funds for birth control.
I wonder why the government hasn’t given me a baby yet. I’ll have to write a letter of complaint. Sanda Fluke heads up that department, right?
HImmy, you’re my hero. This is why I follow you on twitter. I’m still trying to wrap my head around that two chambers of Congress thing.
Do you want more chambers or fewer? I can change it! That’s how heroic I am.
I just wanted to say a few things…
1. An old friend of mine that lives in MI steered me to your site/story…I hope you keep up the good fight…lol
2. I will be buying the book for my niece…hehe. Her parents will love it too…
3. Amelia says:
April 6, 2012 at 10:59 pm
“I wonder why the government hasn’t given me a baby yet. I’ll have to
write a letter of complaint. Sanda Fluke heads up that
department, right?”
————————————————————————————–
Wouldn’t Sandra be trying to keep you from having a baby? Isn’t she in charge of the contraception supplies? LOL!
Every statement by those leftists just oozes with love! Can’t you feel it?
I enjoyed your article, the comments, and your responses.
Best wishes!!
Thank you so much! Haters gonna hate…
Our leftist overlords are so smarticle. Also how do they fail to see how hot chicks with guns are?
Why thank you, sir! That one guy appreciated a girl with a gun…
Childless as well, but if I were to “get my Dad on,” I’d have ‘em reading this. I’d even have Christopher Walken read it to them (he’ll do it; he’s cool that way).
I can dig that. I’d pick Adam Baldwin, though. Then I’d make Serenity 2. What? A girl can dream.
Dreaming along witcha … just watched all of Firefly AGAIN. It never gets old. “I’ll be in my bunk” ::snort::
*sigh* this is what i feared the most…
(don’t worry the left has made TONS of blind pure partisan children books that make this one look like mercy in comparison)
BUT please understand that these kinds of books in most cases create a horrible emotional backlash “as an ex-liberal now libertarian i know that better than anyone” they are like anti smoke warnings not only do they not work but almost always create the opposite effect.
so how do we teach children the values of freedom and the virtue of free markets and the nobility of faith? some may ask? the answer is simple by actually reminding them completely of the joy and happiness and freedom and linking them to REAL LIFE they gained because of free markets freedom and faith *see that video game you have a company worked hard to make it for you* *remember god’s blessings that he loved you and gave you life so remember to love others” “if it wasn’t for the constitution we would be ruled by an evil emperor like emperor Palpatine” ETC.
when we make things like this as commercial products we give the left the PERFECT excuse to attack us as “hate driven brainwashing FASCISTS” despite the TONS hypocrisy on their side (example why my mother is a democrat) children’s book
the left will NEVER see their own mistakes…i think it is about time we saw ours
remember please it is values that make a great country…not the other way around so FOCUS on making books that promote those values rather than linking them with patriotism.
i wish you peace and success
daniel
Amelia – I love your book! I love it so much I wish I had a child of my own to read it to. It’s a shame that people cannot see the true beauty of this book because their hate for conservatism and Republicans doesn’t allow them to appreciate someone expressing their love for this great nation.
The truth: I think they’re just jealous because you’re a Republican housefrau with money
I’m sorry, I can’t hear you. I’m taking a bath in a tub full money. Those crisp $100s are noisy!
There is a reason why people hate on Republicans – in fact there are many many reasons. It’s because so many of them are intolerant, selfish, greedy, closed-minded, violent and simply uneducated. And maybe this book doesn’t directly implicate Republicans in those offenses, but it certainly gives me the heebie geebies and reminds me of that laundry list of faults they so often share with one another.
First of all, who is still trying to mix church and state? I thought everyone knew that was extremely rude by now. I was also unaware that children weren’t receiving enough Christian propoganda. I’m glad there is another book out there to drive the message home. As long as this book stays within the walls of the mega churches with the other brainwashed right-wing conservatives, that’s fine with me. No one is going to change their minds anyway. But try to at least keep it out of the blue states. We’re trying to maintain our significantly higher IQ and I think this book may jeopardize our children’s chances.
http://www.vaughns-1-pagers.com/politics/red-blue-states-summary.htm
Please share some examples where the book references Christianity or advocates mixing church and state.
Thank you telling us what you consider to be rude, in the middle of your rude irate. Your double-standard is quite telling. Is it rude to point that out?
Is it “intolerant, selfish, greedy, closed-minded, violent and simply uneducated” to tell children there are 4 presidents on Mount Rushmore (and similar facts), or are you simply judging the book based on…nothing?
Congrats on the IQ, I’m sure it’s intimidatingly large.
*tirade, not irate…autocorrect doesn’t have an IQ like yours.
I actually do kind of regret posting this and I apologize for being over-the-top. After reading this blog, I was just a bit shocked to see the author of “One Nation Under God” pretending somehow that she wasn’t a Christian Republican or that her book didn’t come from her own perspective.
It’s fine to write a book from your own perspective and include things like prayer and the military – just own up to it. I could write a book called “One World In the Universe” and I could highlight the fact that there are many religions and cultures that exist besides Christianity and America. But then I don’t think I would write a sarcastic blog about how I don’t actually like any other countries or peace. I think it’s probably just best to be honest. So instead of posting a blog that simply sarcastically flips the reviews upside-down, why don’t you just say what you really believe and stand behind that?
I’ve never pretended not to be conservative or Christian, I am simply stating that the book is neither of those things. It isn’t. Patriotism, in my opinion, does not belong to any one political party or religion.
Also, I have written posts like you suggested. Clearly you didn’t bother researching my previous blogging any more than you looked into the book. You seem to feel comfortable judging both based on just about nothing.
I agree with everything Leftie Girl says! That’s why I got my niece the Rockabye Baby! audio of Obama’s “The Audacity of Hope.” When she gets a little older, I’ll start her on Baby’s First Howard Zinn Reader.
Patriotism actually does generally belong to Conservative Christians and that’s because it’s divisive…the same way Christianity is divisive. I did read your book, and the references to God, prayer, and the military were really what tipped me off that this book was not coming from a non-partisan perspective (as you claim it to be). Maybe it’s time to write a book about tolerance and cultural unity…just saying…
Tolerance and cultural unity that doesn’t tolerate patriotism or Christianity that is. Right Leftie?
Your statement that patriotism is divisive says it all. It is my belief that people of any political affiliation or faith can be patriots. You might want to consider looking at your own beliefs if you are interested in studying intolerance.
For those feeling nit-picky, I also believe patriotism can be found in those of no political affiliation or faith.
[...] positive, but other people saw all kinds of nefarious plots at work in my writing. The negative comments were absolutely astounding and really opened my eyes as to what patriotic Americans are up [...]
[...] positive, but other people saw all kinds of nefarious plots at work in my writing. The negative comments were absolutely astounding and really opened my eyes as to what patriotic Americans are up [...]
Overt patriotism makes me vomit.
It puts you on the road to nationalism and racism, the twin evils that may one day destroy the human race.
Anyone who teaches children that patriotism is good is guilty of poisoning their minds, attempting to influence them down a road towards extremism long before they have the maturity to work things out for themselves.
That is a truly reprehensible thing to do.
If you were a decent human being, you would concentrate on equipping the children with the tools to work things out for themselves.
No your thinking of overt stupidity which you socialist have in abundance.
Corran my boy, I’m afraid you are not old enough nor smart enough to play with the big boys.
Now run along and do your chores, there’s a good little boy.
Small ax have the balls to attack me in the open instead of sending in the socks.
It doesn’t take balls to attack ineffectual, sloppy-thinking, weak-minded little school-boys like you Corran.
Being attacked by you feels like being savaged by a dead haddock.
[...] positive, but other people saw all kinds of nefarious plots at work in my writing. The negative comments were absolutely astounding and really opened my eyes as to what patriotic Americans are up [...]