In a few short months, a movie will open featuring America’s greatest hero. Since liberals like to hijack words, symbols, and heroes to fit into their twisted mold, I am preemptively planting my flag and calling dibs.
Bruce Wayne is a conservative.
So back off, proggies, you can’t have Batman, and you can’t make him a 1% villain either. Here’s why:
Bruce Wayne believes in individual responsibility. So much so that he spends his evenings handing out free lessons in “Get Yourself Together, Punk” 101. (Note: I’m not addressing the outside-the-law aspects of Batman. Plus in older Batman canon, he was a deputized law enforcement officer.) His daytime actions also show proof of this fundamental conservative belief to take care of your own business. Sure, Bruce Wayne inherited a fortune (making him a 1%er), but it was his own personal work ethic that turned him into a first class escape artist, a world class chemist, engineer, a gymnast, a professional race car driver, and one beast of an MMA fighter. Yes, his family fortune helped finance his learning, but he had to put in the time and effort to hone his skills. Alfred wasn’t doing pushups for him.
Meanwhile, what else does Bruce Wayne do with his fortune? Oh, he’s only Gotham’s largest employer and single-handedly funds multiple charities to help the less fortunate. Unlike Tim Geithner, I’m sure Bruce Wayne pays his taxes on time too. When Batman needs a new bat-weapon that doesn’t exist, Wayne puts his brains to work and solves the problem, instead of whining about it. He is a solutions-oriented person, and since Gotham has a crime problem, he works each night to resolve it—one laptop-stealing occupier at a time, if necessary.
Finally, Bruce Wayne doesn’t believe in double standards. He fights corruption no matter where he finds it—from the management of Arkham Asylum to the Gotham City Hall. As a Holmes-esque detective, he seeks out evidence and truth before forming a conclusion. You see, Bruce Wayne would love to sit down and calmly talk things out with Oswald Cobblepot or Dr. Victor Fries. But Gotham’s dirtbags aren’t sane. And the only logic and reason an insane person can process is a punch to the face.
If Bruce Wayne had been a liberal, he would spend his days in laziness and debauchery, burning through the family fortune quickly and then blaming his lack of parents/money/talent/ambition on the world. But instead, quiet conservative Bruce Wayne pulled himself emotionally up by the bootstraps, snapped on a utility belt, and started going after individuals who need a dose of justice. Not a bad example.