Welcome to Planet Feminism, where the Stupid Advisory Level is perpetually at Code Pink. Never fear, Misfit Politics is here! We’re with you every step of the way, helping you navigate through every Pink shade of conservative-hating and man-loathing.
For the past several weeks, I’ve been engaging in self-torture on Wednesday nights by participating in Code Pink’s “training” conference calls, informally titled “how to claim you’re an independent woman and simultaneously campaign for the nanny state.” Because nothing says empowerment like dependence on the government welfare boob.
The calls begin with hostesses Nancy and Rae laying out a few ground rules, including “show respect and suspend judgment.” It’s not every day that a liberal will admit that they want you to disengage the gray matter, but on Planet Feminism, they parade their disregard for reason and logical thought right down the middle of Main Street. After instructing us not to use our brains, hostess Nancy tells us a little about Occupy Women (I didn’t make that up. They really call themselves that), Code Pink’s latest favorite group of Marxist pals. It’s made up of women and “men who are women-identifying.” You see, on Planet Feminism, you can be male and just pretend you’re a woman. Delusional pretending is encouraged here, with brains suspended and all.
Introductions come next. We’ve got women from Occupy Nashville, Occupy Oakland, and – big shocker here – Occupy Chicago. Tessa gushingly tells everyone how “highly evolved” the call is. Apparently it took humanity billions of years to learn how to say “Hi, my name is Tessa.” Caitlyn is “inspired” by the call. Me too, Caitlyn! Nothing gets me all jazzed up to change the world like someone saying “Hi, my name is Caitlyn.”
Next, we get to the real meat tofu of the call. A caller from Fort Wayne gravely pronounces that “women in general are under attack,” which is why we’ve gotta organize, sisters! Rise up against . . . whatever the heck she’s talking about! This is why Occupy Women and Code Pink are so important! We also heard from Lacy with Occupy at McPherson Square in Washington, D.C. She apologized multiple times for the non-existent background noise – because with all FOUR tents (there really are only four. I’ve been there), the crowds just can’t be controlled, people. It’s a “rockstar event,” according to Lacy, the great community organizer. What a thrill! Now Jodi wants to tell us about Lisa, the “amaaaaaaaazing activist.” Lisa’s specialty is “going into places where police might show up.” You know, everywhere like such as.
Speaking of the police, Lisa reassures us that although “They operate on an authoritarian model, as in, ‘I’m in charge; you have to do what I say,’ but what we need to understand is that you do NOT have to do what they say.” Really? Let us know how that works out for ya, Lisa. After a whiny and not-very-empowered-sounding caller accuses police officers of “targeting women,” and “pushing women around,” yet offering no proof whatsoever, Lisa proclaims “If the police are pushing the women, that’s actually a good thing, because it exposes what they’re really about. We don’t need men to protect us.” Yes, that’s right, police officers are all overbearing evil males just waiting to abuse women. On Planet Feminism, that’s reality.
When dealing with journalists, Lisa offered callers a fresh perspective on power: “It can often feel as if [journalists] are the ones who hold the power. I want to really invite you to reclaim your power in these situations. You have an opportunity to shape the way a reporter feels and thinks about the issue.” Reclaim the power! RECLAIM IT LADIES!
Furthermore, Lisa reminded us that with journalists, we just need to have the five-year-old philosophy, as in “What if a five-year-old asked you those same sort of rude, narrow-minded questions? You wouldn’t march off saying ‘god, what a narrow-minded, bigoted, right-winger of a kid!’ You would lovingly reframe the question so they understand the issue better.” Please ladies, help the sad little ignorant reporters correctly understand things. Don’t leave them to wallow in their logic. What? You didn’t know reporters are all bigoted right-wingers? It’s true! Lisa told me so! She said (swallow your coffee) “There IS a right-wing media conspiracy!” Not to worry, we’re all prepared now to help those Republican bastards understand the issue better. We even had the opportunity to do a little role-play, with Lisa as the reporter (more pretending, I know). Lisa instructed us to “listen for this full-body experience that Barbara [caller participating in role play] is going to share with us.” Role-play is a full-body experience, y’all. Kind of like a TVU.
So what exactly has Code Pink’s collectivist panties in such a twist, you ask? Oh, it’s terrible! Almost unfit to print! You see, all of this “training” is to meant to help Occupy Women be prepared to protest at Bank of America, because those meanies are investing heavily in coal mining stealing candy from babies. I know! The nerve of Bank of America, investing in job-creation and American energy! How dare they!
Unfortunately, the last call ended early because of technical problems. I suppose they could have called a man to help, but all the males around are pretending to be women, remember? What a drag. Literally.
I hope by now we can all agree that A) Code Pink is utterly ridiculous and out of touch with any semblance of reality, B) Code Pink does not, in fact, empower women in any way, and C) both Code Pink and Occupy Women are pawns of the Left. I sincerely wonder if it has ever occurred to anyone at Code Pink that true “social justice,” what they claim to fight for, would actually be letting companies invest in whatever the heck they want. Or that true empowerment of women means not shoving welfare and the victim complex down their throats. Or that most people you’ll get on tech support are males, so they should really stop being so hateful toward men. Just a thought.
o.O
Ummm…
O.o
Riiiiiight
I feel this urge to send Leah a gift basket of body wash for enduring that meeting. This is one of those rare moments I’m left nearly speechless. You know we used to put people that nutty in institutions… now they organize and make careers out of it. Does give me a notion, instead of all this failed “nation building”, lets just ship these lunatics to whatever godforsaken country we invade next and tell em,”Here, build your own Utopia, some assembly may be required.” Imagine the fun of inflicting Code Pink on the Taliban. I’d laugh. Think I’m just gonna go back to fuming about some idiots renaming St Paddy’s day “O Green Day” and Nike’s Black and Tan insult to the Irish… its a war on Ireland I tell ya (k, made that last bit up, but why not, there’s a war on everything else, I felt left out).
Happy St Paddys
sliante
Ugh. I don’t know how you could stomach listening to that crap. Seriously. I’m annoyed just reading this.
I’m disappointed that my fair city of Nashville was included in this mindless drivel. Occupy Nashville (ie: the one guy left with a tent) was finally evicted from Legislative Plaze this week.
I would have been interested in an actual analysis (with humor, of course!) of your experience there. Did you just go to make fun of them and call them stupid? That seems so junior high. We could have actually learned something about them through your experience, but instead we got this kind of jeering thing that doesn’t tell us anything substantial except that you think Caitlyn is a stupid name (??). I like what you guys are trying to do with this site, but I think in general you do this with a lot of your stories- just jeering without really saying anything interesting. We get a lot of that from the other side, but we have to be better than them, IMO. And I think you guys are capable of doing more.
We get this from time to time and I’m going to give you the benefit of the doubt that you aren’t a liberal trying to pull the “high road” argument which a lot of them are who say what you have.
Understand that here at Misfit we use fact but we’re a site that uses humor and ridicule as our primary weapons. This isn’t a news site. While we put information in there, we’re not focusing on exposing or formally educating. We’re here for opinion and entertainment. I suggest if you want info to please head to the Breitbart sites.
This site isn’t like your typical conservative minded sites. We don’t care about the high road here. We aren’t interested in being “better than them” because in my honest opinion I feel like the right focuses on that too much and we lose on some very important fronts.
So while I appreciate your input Stella, I’m going to have to respectfully tell you that maybe this isn’t the site for you. We’re not going to be polite, we’re not going to be respectful to the left, we aren’t going to keep this fight civil. I think the right has spent enough time keeping their hands clean. It’s time to get muddy.
Awesome piece Leah, but I feel cheated, what no Occupy Wall Street on this call? I mean come on I am battling these people in the Mecca and Medina of the movement and nobody from NYC on the call. I mean how am I suppose to battle these hippies when they are laying down on the job here?
So is “Occupy Women” the designation for all the areas outside the rape-free zone?
At first I thought she just misspoke, but then she kept calling it that. In answer to your question, I’m going with yes. Sounds reasonable for OWS.
I thought the Occupiers did a pretty good job occupying women. Of course Olby and that Kos idiot would say that there wasn’t any occupying of women going on, but they’re idiots.
I am amazed that there are so many real-life conspiracy theory groups out there!
Who are these women that think they are still being repressed, I don’t get it!!!
***Listen up Code Pink and Occupy*** I worked at a corporate campus at the bank for about 5 years. B of A is the most diverse organization I have ever worked for. My dept. consisted of about 500 people of all shapes, sizes, colors, and sexual orientation. My peer group of managers consisted of 10 women and 6 men. Out of 16 managers TWO were white males (I was one of them.) We had 2 gay managers, and we several managers that were born in countries other than the U.S.
B of A employes over 100k people throughout the world. People are able to feed their families because this bank puts them to work.
J
Pfffft… there you go with insignificant details like facts. They’re on a mission man! They aren’t going to let little things like facts and truth and reality get in their way. Their over inflated egos are at stake here… they’re “rock stars” and they’re “liberating women”… how dare you rain on their 8 person parade… you… you…. you masher! You man you…
k… laughing too hard to type…
Happy St Paddy’s
sliante
Exactly! If getting lower insurance rates and having people hold doors and carry things for me just because I’m a woman is oppression, dang, bring it on! This rocks!
Wow Leah. You are really suffering for your cause. Good grief, girl. I wouldn’t have lasted 2 minutes on that call.
Haha! TBH I’m still not sure what gave me the idea in the first place – probably just that I can’t stand Code Pink and picking on them is kind of fun. Plus they’re idiots, as evidenced by the article. It was wildly entertaining though – there’s so much I couldn’t fit in the article that was just hilarious. Seriously though, try it sometime! Listening to how stupid they are is such a confidence-booster for conservative women! LOL!
“Seriously though, try it sometime!” – I would, but I look rather silly in a dress and wig. Besides, high heels make my butt look fat.
That is just funny. I wonder if these code pink nut jobs know anything. Any woman still in the occupy camp are downright stupid even after the rapes they still go. It is almost like they let the nuts out of the mental hospital run in the streets for the hell of it. Code pink hates women in Arab countries why because are troops are in Afghanistan and they don’t like that. Guess what will happen to the women there if we pull out? Well let just say enslavement comes to mind but saying no to free birth control is war on woman. I bet the woman of Afghanistan wish they had the same problem.
You ought to get hazard pay for that. Hope you treated yourself to a good meal with a few tasty adult beverages after that.
HAHAHA “Occupy” has been “occupying” women (with or without consent) since the beginning of the “Occupy” movement.
Kirsten Powers tweeted this morning about a story. The headline read “Nearly 1,000 Pakistani women killed for honor” which really means they were murdered for not obeying strict Muslim laws. This included 2 Christian women and 7 Hindu women reported in the article.
Kind of made me stop an think that accusations of how spoiled Americans are are spot on. In countries like Pakistan women are fighting for their right to exist. In America we’re arguing whether some 30 year old career student paying over $20k a year in tuition while dating a wealthy boyfriend should get free birth control pills that cost $9 at Walgreen’s or CVS even though she claims they’ll cost her $1,000 / yr. If anyone disagrees with her, suddenly they’re accused of declaring a “war on women”.
Sometimes I think this country has completely lost all perspective.