Well, Eric Holder’s DOJ has slapped down another attempt by a state to require photo IDs from voters. In this case, according the civil rights division head Thomas Perez, a new Texas law would “harm Hispanics,” who “disproportionately lack either a driver’s license or a personal identification card.”
Perez went on to assert that the only thing Hispanics in GOP-run Texas don’t lack is chimichangas. Wait, that’s a different example of patronizing racism. Sorry. Sometimes I confuse all the liberal attempts to keep Latinos in the barrio (and blacks on the plantation, and women in Gender Studies classes).
Anyway, voter ID laws are sensible. Having a face and a name should be the bare minimum of what it takes to exercise the franchise. But with Attorney General Eric “I Dunno” Holder around to keep us racial “cowards” in line, states must be careful how they craft the laws, and careful in how they defend them to the DOJ civil rights hacks watchdogs.
Here are 10 ideas to help states make sure their voter ID laws are acceptable to the federal DOJ.
10. Replace state seal on ID with ACORN logo.
9. Say you’re celebrating the contributions of Muslims to the fields of portrait photography and lamination.
8. Tell them Catholics don’t believe in voter IDs.
7. Complimentary Planned Parenthood coupon with every ID.
6. “ID-Walking” – Explain that requiring voter ID’s is a clever way to get the IDs into the hands of the Mexican drug cartels, who will use them to commit crimes, thus bolstering the case against said IDs.
5. “If voter IDs are bigoted, only bigots will have voter IDs.”
4. Explain the benefits of official ID for Georgetown law students who sleep around so much they forget where they live.
3. Implant IDs with chip to alert Michelle Obama every time bearer is within 50 ft of a McDonalds.
2. Change racial designations on drivers’ licenses to “Black,” “Hispanic,” Asian” or “Typical White Person.”
1. Along with ID’s, require voters to show up at polls with Billy clubs & black berets.