It seems that Republican front-runner Herman Cain has found himself in the midst of an old sexual harassment controversy. Politico has dug up the alleged incident which occurred back in the 1990′s, back when deviant sexual behavior from prominent political figures was deemed irrelevant due to it being part of their personal life. If leftie’s felt that way back then, man Mr. Cain must have done something really bad. Supposedly, Mr. Cain exhibited “sexually suggestive behavior” that made at least two female employees very uncomfortable.

At the moment, the accusers are bound by confidentiality, and Politico would rather brag about Twitter mentions instead of getting into actual details. However, Herman Cain has been the lone voice of specificity in an attempt to defend himself. Describing one of the incidents, Mr. Cain said:

“She was in my office one day, and I made a gesture saying – and I was standing close to her – and I made a gesture saying you are the same height as my wife because my wife comes up to my chin”

Many of you Misfits are laughing. Shrugging this off like it’s no big deal. Not to mention many of Cain’s staffers, including females like Karol Markowicz, are saying:

“The allegations seem completely unbelievable to me.”

But I simply couldn’t believe that our ever-so fair and vigilant media would report something so serious with vague allegations, against a prominent figure on the right. Seeking an expert on hand gestures, I looked no further than the Twinkles Experts at Occupy Wall Street.

This is Asher “Twinkles” Kingston, of Occupy….whatever. He’s “here” to help us on our quest of discovery.

Not only are Occupiers skilled in finding deeper meaning in insignificant hand gestures, but they know a thing or two…or three…..or four about sexual harassment. Unfortunately for Mr. Cain, he didn’t have the luxury of keeping this little incident “internal”.

So how is this gesture offensive? Mr. Twinkles points out that the height gesture made by Cain is a sort of “sideways-Twinkles” which perhaps may have been interpreted as “You’re only an average looking woman”. Also consider that Mr. Cain’s gesture revolved around his chin. For many familiar with Peter Griffin from Family Guy, it’s starting to become clear why a woman might be uncomfortable with this.

My grungy, slightly smelly new Occupier friend and I decided to look deeper into Mr. Cain. The results were unsettling. Cain’s history of sexual gestures is much more extensive than Politico even suggested.

Notice the image above. Here we see, according to Mr. Twinkles, Herman Cain proudly and strongly making a phallic symbol with his hand. Disgraceful. With this in mind, be warned, this next picture might be disturbing.

How did the Politco miss these other blatant examples of sexual harassment hand gestures when they are easily found on Google?

Here’s yet another example. This was first thought to be Mr. Cain doing some sort of “up-twinkles” approving of the beautiful women in the crowd. Mr. Twinkles added that in addition to that, it’s clearly Mr. Cain trying to reach out and cop a feel from his female supporters. Despicable! Then with that in mind:

My Goodness! This man’s appetite for womanizing can never be satisfied!

This gesture was initially thought to be a peace sign but don’t be fooled. “All Republicans want eternal war, so this is impossible.” said Mr. Twinkles. He then clarified that this gesture is actually representing a woman with her two legs in the air. How misogynistic!

Misfit Politics wouldn’t even let me put the written description of the incredibly lewd sexual act demonstrated with this gesture.

“Cain is just like all the other Republicans….anti-women” concluded Mr. Twinkles. “The gestures and actions of politicians are very important and we should be careful about electing someone who isn’t mindful of what is appropriate and what is not.”

It has yet to be seen if these allegations against Cain hold any weight but as for the rest of what Mr. Twinkles says…

We couldn’t agree more.

(For a more serious look at this whole controversy, go check out EvanP’s great article.)